I don’t trust my ex- how could mediation work?

Lack of trust is a common concern in mediation

Not being able to trust a former spouse or partner is a very common concern when entering mediation.  The end of a relationship might have come about because of events which lead one party to believe they cannot trust the other, there have been lies told or a difference in perception of appropriate behaviour. A lack of trust can make it very difficult to communicate and mean that talking about issues that need to be resolved become more difficult than they were.

 

This concern is obviously something that must be managed within the mediation process. Sometimes the lack of trust relates to arrangements for children and how each parent is behaving and will manage a coparenting relationship following a breakdown of their marriage or personal relationship.

 

When we are discussing arrangements for children in mediation, we will often talk about the ways in which trust can be rebuilt, so the parents can build a coparenting relationship, which may be very different from the relationship they had when working together as a couple. Sometimes, this might mean trying arrangements to give the other parent evidence that the promises will be kept, practical arrangements will be stuck to and that everybody is putting the children first.

 

Sometimes, there needs to be time to allow people to reflect and think about what has gone on and how their own interpretation of events or their own behaviours may have impacted the situation and solutions now available. 

 

For others the lack of trust relates to a financial mistrust; that one will do something to try to prevent the other from having their fair share of the assets or will not give full financial disclosure in any process.  Full financial disclosure is always requested in mediation. It is common and normal for questions to be asked about the disclosure that is provided. The couple are made aware of the fact that the financial information they provide is what we call “open” which means it can be relied on outside of the mediation process. Mediators will give the financial information to lawyers so that the lawyers can give advice on the mediation proposals, if the couple want to seek that advice. The disclosure information is also used to complete a court form that has to go with any order for approval by a Judge. Failure to give full financial disclosure, or misleading financial disclosure, could mean that agreements reached in mediation that later become court orders, could be undone in the future and the financial arrangements revisited.

 

During the mediation process, trust does often grow as the practical arrangements we are discussing and talking about are followed and implemented by everyone. The couple can see their intentions to work together succeeding.

 

If you have any questions about the mediation process, this is something that we will be happy to talk with you about so that you can decide whether mediation might be appropriate for you and your family, and if there are steps that can be put in place to reassure you both.  Please not hesitate to contact us on 0800 206 2258 or send us an email hello@familymandm.co.uk You can also book a free call on a day and time that suits you by going to the BOOK NOW page of our website www.familymediationandmentoring.co.uk. 

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