Breaking up is often compared to the grief cycle, suggesting that following the end of a relationship there will be denial/shock, anger, bargaining, and depression/sadness before finally reaching acceptance.

It is not unusual to move backwards and forwards through these stages and there is no rule that says how long this journey may take.  Ensuring you get the right support and help you need during this time, to help you deal with the emotional, practical and legal issues, is really important. Take it all one step at a time.

First of all establish some boundaries and decide on communication rules. If you need a period of no contact to process things then state that clearly. Constant texting or rehashing arguments prolongs the initial shock and avoid the social media trap of posting updates and/or pictures and scrolling through your ex's profiles.

When everything feels chaotic, small, predictable routines act as an anchor. When you are stressed, eating and sleeping are usually the first things to go. Focus on the basics, drink water, eat simple meals and try to get outside for a short walk every day. Physical movement helps process stress hormones like cortisol.

Some other steps to think about include: -

•            Talk about your feelings with trusted friends and be honest about the support you need.

•            Consult a therapist or divorce coach if you think professional help would provide an objective space to discuss what has happened.

•            Collate practical, financial, and legal information and resources to help you make informed choices about the steps that will follow.

•            Think about the impact of parental conflict on your children and be aware of how you manage this process will have an impact on how your children cope as well.

•            Look after yourself and do not rush into decisions. Healing isn't linear. You might have a great week and then a really bad day. Treat yourself with the same kindness and patience you would offer a close friend going through the eaxct same thing.

Our Family Law information meetings can be a useful tool you might like to consider. They can be attended alone or by a couple who wish to collate the legal information and resources to help them navigate and decide on the next steps to be taken.  

If you would like information about our Family Law Information Meetings or how Family Mediation can help you sort out your separation or divorce, please contact us at hello@familymandm.co.uk or call us on 0800 206 2258. On our website you can also book a free 20-minute first consultation – www.familymediationandmentoring.co.uk

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