Rachael

Rachael is an Accredited Mediator who also sits as a Deputy District Judge and has been a specialist family lawyer for almost 30 years. She led a very successful family team in a major National Law firm before setting up Family Mediation and Mentoring with Claire.

My Latest Blogs

What is a Family Law Information Meeting (FLIM™)?

This is a meeting where we can answer all of your questions about the separation and divorce process.

By
Rachael

Is family mediation now mandatory before going to court?

There have been some changes to the Family Proceedings Rules, which came into effect on 29 April 2024 but is family mediation now mandatory?

By
Rachael

Why do clients prefer Family Mediation to Court ?

Clients often prefer family mediation for several reasons

By
Rachael

Why should I consider family mediation to help me sort out my divorce?

How is mediation helpful? Why is mediation a good alternative to court?

By
Rachael

How will mediation help you sort out your divorce and arrangements for your children?

Many couples now use mediation to help them sort out their divorce and parenting plan.

By
Rachael

How can family mediation support people who are neurodivergent through their divorce?

Neurodiversity is a popular term that’s used to describe differences in the way people’s brains work, there being no “correct” way for the brain to work. Instead, there is a wide range of ways that people perceive and respond to the world.

By
Rachael

Things you need to know about pensions when getting divorced

Pensions are often shared on divorce, here are a few key reasons to explain why.

By
Rachael

Meet our Mediators - Rachael Oakes

Meet the team and get to know a bit more about us

By
Rachael

How to find a mediator who specialises in dealing with narcissists

How do you find a mediator who can help?

By
Rachael

How to prepare for family mediation with a narcissist and what to look out for

Here are some key tips for preparing for mediation with a narcissist

By
Rachael

A Comprehensive Guide to Understanding Mediation Information and Assessment Meetings

The Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) process is a crucial step in finding out whether mediation is suitable for you and your family towards a resolution and if not to take a look at other options available.

By
Rachael

Divorcing a Narcissist? Is Family Mediation suitable?

There are certain types of family mediation that mean you can use mediation to help you sort out your divorce, stay out of court and keep the legal fees down.

By
Rachael

Grandparents - the vital role they can play on separation or divorce

To be a grandparent is a privilege and a joy - have a read of Gill Wright's blog on the issue

By
Rachael

Should children have a voice in parenting plans involving them on divorce?

While parents ultimately make the final decisions about their future parenting plan, there has been a lot of research about how allowing children to express their opinions can be beneficial.

By
Rachael

Family mediation can help navigate tricky Easter parenting arrangements

Family dispute experts are asking separated parents to plan ahead for the school Easter break and consider family mediation as a way of reaching an amicable agreement about how to share the holidays.

By
Rachael

Meet our new Consultant Gill Wright

All about Gill

By
Rachael

Separating parents can avoid courtroom conflict as Family Mediation Week kicks off this week

Parents who have decided to separate or divorce in 2024 are being urged to find out how to avoid courtroom confrontation to settle money and parenting arrangements, with the launch of Family Mediation Week, 22 – 26 January.

By
Rachael

Festive top tips for parenting over Christmas

Co-parenting during the holidays, especially Christmas, can be challenging for separated or divorced parents. Here are some top tips to help make the festive season easier for everyone involved:

By
Rachael

What rights do stepparents have?

In the UK, stepparents do not automatically have parental responsibility for their stepchildren

By
Rachael

Oxford Family Mediation firm explains the difference between dealing with your divorce in court compared to mediation

How Long Is the Process for Getting a Divorce Through Court? How Does Family Mediation Work? How Long Does Family Mediation Take? Find out the difference between dealing with your divorce in court compared to mediation

By
Rachael

What's the Difference between a lawyer and a mediator

What Does a Mediator Do? What Does a Lawyer Do? Lawyers and mediators are often called upon during the process of separation and divorce, we’ll explain the difference between the two roles and when you might use their services.

By
Rachael

So what exactly is no fault divorce and how does it work?

No-fault divorce in the UK refers to the legal process of ending a marriage without the need to prove fault or wrongdoing by either party.

By
Rachael

Are you divorcing a partner who was coercively controlling you? Some top tips from expert Oxford mediators

What is Coercive Control? How Do You Know if Coercive Control is Happening to You? How to Deal with Coercive Control... advice from oxford based family mediators on all the important questions

By
Rachael

How to deal with an ex who believes everything is your fault

Dealing with an ex who blames you for everything can be challenging, but there are ways to cope with the situation

By
Rachael

How to Choose a Family Mediator

Before you choose a family mediator, it’s imperative to ask the right questions.

By
Rachael

Have you got a toxic ex-spouse? What can you do about it?

The phrase "toxic ex-spouse" is a term used to describe a former partner who exhibits harmful, damaging, or destructive behaviour towards their ex-partner and their children.

By
Rachael

What is parallel parenting and how does it differ from co-parenting?

Co-parenting and parallel parenting are two approaches to parenting after a separation or divorce. Parallel parenting is often used in high conflict divorce cases.

By
Rachael

Getting divorced? Can Mediation and Arbitration work together to help couples stay out of court?

Yes, mediation and arbitration can be combined to help couples reach agreements and stay out of court.

By
Rachael

Can mediation help in high conflict divorce cases?

Mediation can be an effective tool for resolving high conflict divorce cases

By
Rachael

What is the hardest thing to deal with after a divorce?

According to various sources, the hardest thing to deal with after divorce is different for everyone.

By
Rachael

‘Back-to-school’ - Separating parents’ demand for family mediation set to rise

We are preparing for an increase in demand from separating parents as the school summer holiday comes to an end.

By
Rachael

Why use family mediation for your divorce?

7 reasons why family mediation might be right for you

By
Rachael

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that causes a victim to question their own feelings, instincts, and sanity.

By
Rachael

Narcissism and the role of Hybrid Mediation (2)

Podcast with Dr Supriya Mckenna and Karin Walker discussing Narcissism and the role of Hybrid Mediation (2)

By
Rachael

How to communicate with children about your divorce

Divorce can be a difficult and emotional process, especially for children. It's important to communicate with your children about the divorce in a way that is clear, simple, and age-appropriate.

By
Rachael

What is coercive control and how to recognise the signs

Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour that an abuser uses to dominate their partner and limit their freedom. It can include physical abuse and emotional abuse, but often, coercive control is more subtle.

By
Rachael

Common mistakes to avoid during divorce

Divorce can be a complex and emotional process, and it's important to avoid common mistakes that can make it even more difficult.

By
Rachael

How to cope with the emotional toll of a lengthy divorce process

Some top tips on how to cope

By
Rachael

How to communicate effectively with your ex-spouse during divorce

Communicating effectively with your ex-spouse during a divorce can be challenging

By
Rachael

Don't forget the small print - the new CGT rules

The CGT rules changed to help separating and divorcing couples and those in civil partnerships but what exactly do the new rules mean?

By
Rachael

Can you still use mediation if you are in court?

If you are involved in court proceedings you can still consider mediation, maybe with your lawyer coming along to support you.

By
Rachael

How long does going to court take compared to using mediation?

Court cases take a long time and are costly. How does using mediation compare?

By
Rachael

What does a divorce cost?

Fortunately, the days of having to go to court to get divorced are long gone. Courtrooms are now the exception, rather than the rule.

By
Rachael

Is my mediation agreement a court order?

We explain how mediation agreements can become court orders.

By
Rachael

The flip-side of Valentine’s Day - help for separating couples – Free mediation helpline

We are helping separating couples cut Valentine’s Day emotional turmoil

By
Rachael

The costs of living crisis and divorce

How can family mediation help?

By
Rachael

Mediation Voucher Scheme may end in March 2023

The Ministry of Justice (MoJ) launched a voucher scheme which provides a contribution of up to £500 towards the mediation costs for eligible cases, supporting people in resolving their family law disputes outside of court, where appropriate. It may come to an end in March.

By
Rachael

Family Mediation Week - 16-20 January 2023

What is Family Mediation?

By
Rachael

Does Divorce Day really exist?

At this time of year the media often make reference to “Divorce Day” which is meant to represent a specific day where the most divorces are filed with the court.

By
Rachael

How Hybrid Mediation can help you divorce a Narcissist

So why is Hybrid mediation such a good option when divorcing a Narcissist?

By
Rachael

Why does a Judge need to approve our financial agreement?

What does approving an agreement involve?

By
Rachael

Can mediation help unmarried couples?

Yes. Mediation is for married and unmarried couples. It also assists same-sex couples.

By
Rachael

Video Blog- What happens in joint mediation meetings?

What happens in joint mediation meetings?

By
Rachael

Support and mentoring for family lawyers

Support and mentoring for family lawyers

By
Rachael

How to choose a family mediator.

Family mediation is not about getting back together. In fact, it is the opposite, family mediation aims to help couples agree how to live apart.

By
Rachael

Is now a good time to review your goals, ambitions and career plans?

Our mentoring and coaching support for family lawyers

By
Rachael

What other experts may need to be involved in family mediation and why.

For couples considering separation and/or divorce, it is sometimes necessary to involve other experts so they have all the information they need to make informed decisions about how to deal with the financial issues that need to be resolved.

By
Rachael

What is “mortgage capacity” and why is it important?

When a couple separate and/or divorce and need to look at their finances, mortgage capacity can be an important consideration.

By
Rachael

What is a pension expert and why might I need one for my divorce?

Pensions are all too often overlooked or not considered carefully enough when a couple divorce or dissolve their civil partnership.

By
Rachael

I have been a victim of domestic abuse – can I still use mediation to help me sort out my divorce and stay out of court?

Before we take any couple into joint mediation meetings, we first have a private and confidential meeting with each person.

By
Rachael

Why do I need to provide my financial information if we have agreed everything?

In family mediation we are often working with couples who want to sort out the issues relating to their separation and divorce without going to court.

By
Rachael

How to choose a family mediator.

Family mediation is not about getting back together. In fact, it is the opposite, family mediation aims to help couples agree how to live apart.

By
Rachael

Major tax changes to help couples who separate and divorce

On 22 July 2022 the government released draft legislation which will change the capital gains tax position for divorcing couples. The legislation is in draft form so may change. The proposed implementation date is 6 April 2023.

By
Rachael

Pre-marriage assets and inheritance – are they included in a divorce settlement?

Assets owned before a marriage or inherited during a marriage can often become a focal point when discussing how the assets on divorce should be shared between a couple.

By
Rachael

What can I do if I think my spouse is hiding assets?

First, if a divorce case has to go to court there is a penalty for intentionally hiding assets, it is illegal. Each spouse has a duty to make a full and frank disclosure of their financial position, which includes the full extent of their assets.

By
Rachael

My spouse has had an affair, will it impact the divorce settlement?

Having an affair is a common reason which can lead to the end of a marriage, but it rarely results in one spouse getting a better divorce settlement. There are however exceptions to every rule.

By
Rachael

Pension Vblog - 2 of 3 in the series

More top tips to understanding pensions on divorce

By
Rachael

Pension Vblog - 1 of 3 in the series

Top tips to understanding pensions on divorce

By
Rachael

Book Review – Teenagers! What every parent has to know – by Rob Parsons

Author of the highly successful Sixty Minute series Rob Parsons turns his attention to that very difficult period of adolescence - the teenage years.

By
Rachael

What is full financial disclosure?

What has to be provided as part of giving full financial disclosure?

By
Rachael

Why do I have to have a MIAM meeting?

Many people ask us why they have to have a MIAM and what it actually is.

By
Rachael

How is financial disclosure provided in mediation?

There is often some concern or confusion regarding financial disclosure in mediation. Do people have to provide it and if so, how?

By
Rachael

Book Review - Overcoming the Co-Parenting Trap

Essential Parenting Skills When a Child Resists a Parent by John A. Moran Ph.D., Tyler Sullivan & Matthew Sullivan Ph.D.

By
Rachael

What is a MIAM?

What is a MIAM and why might you need one? You can normally book a Zoom MIAM meeting with us within 48 hours of your enquiry.

By
Rachael

How is financial disclosure provided in mediation?

There is often some concern or confusion regarding financial disclosure in mediation. Do people have to provide it and if so, how?

By
Rachael

Book Review - Psychology, Emotion and Intuition in Work Relationships: The Head, Heart and Gut Professional – by Henry Brown, Neil Dawson and Brenda McHugh 

This book highlights the increasing importance of human relations in professional life. We often recommend this book to lawyers who we are mentoring.

By
Rachael

Did you know that full details of your divorce settlement could soon be made public?

How to avoid your divorce details being made public.

By
Rachael

Book Review- 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

A good read to inspire and motivate people to solve their professional or personal issues.

By
Rachael

No Fault Divorce becomes law today

The long-awaited no-fault divorce process is now law.

By
Rachael

Book Review - Help your children cope with your divorce by Paula Hall

Children of all ages can be devastated by the news that their parents are splitting up.

By
Rachael

What happens with inherited assets on divorce?

In mediation we often have to help people discuss what should happen to inherited assets.

By
Rachael

Changes impacting child maintenance calculations

The Child Maintenance Service are making some changes

By
Rachael

Book Review - Difficult conversations by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen of the Harvard Negotiation Project

What is a difficult conversation and how can we have them? We attempt or avoid difficult conversations every day.

By
Rachael

Mediation voucher scheme may end sooner that expected

The scheme was due to come to be available until the end of March but it may now need to be earlier

By
Rachael

Top tips on how to have difficult conversations with your Spouse/Ex

Nothing about divorce is easy. That includes talking to your spouse while you are going through a divorce. It also includes talking to your ex after you are divorced.

By
Rachael

Book Review - Resolving Conflict by Shay & Margaret McConnon

How to Manage Disagreements and Develop Trust and Understanding

By
Rachael

How is financial disclosure provided in mediation?

There is often some concern or confusion regarding financial disclosure in mediation. Do people have to provide it and if so, how?

By
Rachael

Book Review - High-Conflict Parenting Post-Separation

The Making and Breaking of Family Ties

By
Rachael

Civil partnerships and dissolution after 6 April 2022

So what happens when no fault divorce becomes law in April?

By
Rachael

Support and mentoring for family lawyers

Support and mentoring for family lawyers

By
Rachael

My partner won’t agree to a divorce. What do I do?

It is not unusual for one partner to think that their relationship is over and the other doesn’t agree.

By
Rachael

What is a MIAM?

What is a MIAM and why might you need one? You can normally book a Zoom MIAM meeting with us within 48 hours of your enquiry.

By
Rachael

Book Review- The Step-parents’ Parachute – by Flora McEvedy

Review of The Step-parents’ parachute -The four cornerstones to good step-parenting – by Flora McEvedy

By
Rachael

Book Review- The Tipping Point by Malcom Gladwell

The Tipping Point is one of Malcolm Gladwell’s signature publications. It is great for creating a marketing plan but it has many other important applications in both marketing and business. 

By
Rachael

How Hybrid Mediation can help you divorce a Narcissist

So why is Hybrid mediation such a good option when divorcing a Narcissist?

By
Rachael

Book Review- The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down: How to be Calm in a Busy World by Haemin Sunim

'Is it the world that's busy, or my mind?' a guide by Haemin Sunim

By
Rachael

Are assets always split 50/50 on divorce?

There is no set formula when it comes to splitting assets on divorce but people often think that all the assets are shared equally.

By
Rachael

New Free Parenting Guide offered to separating families.

Family Mediation and Mentoring LLP is offering the guide for free to families who are divorcing or separating as part of supporting Good Divorce Week 29 Nov - 3 December 2021.

By
Rachael

Book Review - Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway - How to Turn Your Fear and Indecision into Confidence and Action – by Susan Jeffers

I have recommended this book to many people over the years and I have always received good feedback.

By
Rachael

The 10 different ways you can resolve parenting, property or financial issues on separation and divorce.

There are many ways to resolve family disputes - you don't have to go to court

By
Rachael