How to set boundaries for communication with your ex-spouse during a divorce

Some top tips

Setting boundaries for communication with your ex-spouse during a divorce is important so that you can reduce stress and conflict. Here are some tips on how to set some boundaries:

  1. Decide what topics are off-limits for discussion: Agree to disagree on certain issues and determine which topics can be discussed in person, over the phone, or through email or texts, and stick to those guidelines.
  2. Be respectful: Refrain from name-calling, sarcasm, and other forms of belittling behaviour.
  3. Restrict communication to important issues: Avoid getting into long meandering discussions about your past with your spouse. It's important to limit communication to arrangements for your children and other issues you need to resolve as part of sorting out your divorce.
  4. Identify the means of communication best for you: For some couples, face-to-face communication can lead to arguments. If communicating face to face with your ex-spouse isn't appealing, then stick to email or telephone.
  5. Let your ex-spouse know if you need some time to calm down: If you are feeling overwhelmed or emotional, ask to take a break from the conversation. Let your ex-spouse know that you need some time to calm down, and then pick up the conversation at a later date.
  6. Avoid unnecessary communication: You may tend to reach out to your ex-spouse too often or try to get in touch with them when it’s not necessary. While this is understandable in the early stages of separation, it can have an adverse effect on your ex-spouse, especially if they need some time apart.

By setting boundaries for communication with your ex-spouse during a divorce, you can reduce stress and conflict and make the process smoother for everyone involved. Remember to prioritise your own emotional well-being and seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if needed. There are some excellent experts who can provide support such as counsellors and divorce coaches.

In mediation, we help couples navigate the discussions that need to take place to help resolve the issues that need to be addressed as part of a divorce. If you would like to know how mediation can help you, email us on or book a free call with us on our website on a day and time to suit you.

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