Parents often worry about the impact their decision to separate, or divorce will have on the children. Some stay together to avoid that issue, putting the decision on hold until the children are older, but this doesn’t always create a better solution for the children necessarily.

The main tips I share with parents are-

·      Think carefully about how you will talk to the children.  Will this be together and what will you say?

·      Think about what you are saying and doing around the children.  Children overhear more than we think and pick up on body language.  

·      Try not to make negative or derogatory comments about the other parent- children identify with both of their parents and saying something negative will impact how        they feel about themselves.

·      Trying to maintain positive communication with your former spouse or partner is best for you and your children, and sets good role modelling for your children.

·      Remember it is not a competition and you are not asking your children to pick between you or feel guilty for still loving you both.

·       As often as needed, remind your children that they are loved by both parents and that parents do not fall out of love with their children, and this will not change. Let         your children talk about how they are feeling and reassure them this is normal. Ask them if they would like to speak with anyone – a family member, grandparent or         maybe even consider child inclusive mediation so that they have a voice in the process (see the page on our website and separate blog about this option).

·      Explain that you are sorting out the details of how family life is going to look and will share this when you know.

·      Don’t ask a child to lie.

·      Do not use a child as a messenger and do not share details of the divorce or financial issues with the children.

·      Treat each child as an individual.  At different ages and stages their needs and wants maybe different (and may change).

We also have a list of recommended counsellors and other professionals who can work with children.

More information can be found on our website www.familymediationandmentoring.co.uk

For any more information or assistance with this issue, please get in touch. Our email address is hello@familymandm.co.uk or call us on 0800 206 2258.

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